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Young, Single and Jewish
By Rachel Tepper
My adventures as a Jewish girl in the big city, and they're anything but cliche.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Dating the Chosen
 Rachel Tepper
Dating Jewish has been for me one of the most tiring of challenges. Hillel events, Jewish young professionals groups, synagogue mixers – I’ve dabbled in all. Much was done amidst the urging of my mother, who has, for better or worse, been my willing guide to the Jewish dating scene in Washington. Having navigated it herself X number of years earlier (I’ve kindly omitted the number, you’re welcome, Ma), she has never been one to hold her tongue when it comes to dispensing ideas for snagging a nice Jewish boy.
Now, before you think ill of her, let me set the record straight. Most of her advice has been good, and moreover, accurate. Interestingly, much of the Jewish dating scene from her day remains intact. The same venues have the same events, mainly because I can only assume demand for Jewish matches has not declined. Nor will it ever, I imagine. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother is usually right.
There’s only one striking difference between the dating scene my mother knew and the one in which I find myself today, but it’s a whopper: the internet.
J-Date is probably the biggest contribution to the Jewish dating scene since Manischewitz spritzers, and it has vastly changed the way in which I date.
Yes, I admit it. I’m on J-Date.
I finally took the plunge and bought a membership about a year ago per my mother’s suggestion (surprise, surprise) following a string of non-Jewish boyfriends. I had decided that for reasons both practical and emotional, I would try to limit my dating pool to Jewish men. However, I found little success with the traditional mixers and events. For whatever reason, and perhaps my findings were skewed, men at these events tended to fall into one of three categories: 1) the men itchin’ to get a’hitchin’, 2) the skeevy 35-year-olds chasing women nearly a decade their junior, or 3) the chronically awkward ‘repeat offenders,’ so called because of the astounding number of singles events they attend.
Forgive me, but in my experience these events attracted the dregs of the Jewish dating pool. Those that included an open bar fared better (Simchat Torah at Adas Israel is a standout), but once the booze ran out, the good ones left.
And so, worn and wearied, I gave into J-Date. I’ve certainly had my share of ups and downs with the service. I’ll go on a dating binge one month and then give it up entirely the next. Still, it’s there when I’m seriously searching, when I’m curious, and when I’m just plain bored. J-Date is, for better or worse, an unparalleled and reliable source of Jewish dates.
Without a doubt, internet dating is weird. A computer screen seems to bring out the wackiest sides of people who might otherwise seem normal in person. Describing oneself in writing sheds light on a whole host of quirks it might otherwise take someone weeks to detect. Maybe that’s a good thing.
At the end of the day, I think J-Date is just like any other kind of dating. The only difference is that J-Date is constantly on fast-forward; there are always a plethora of men waiting to chat with and message me. It’s overwhelming. If I wanted, I could probably have a date for each night of the week, and that’s not me being cocky – the same is true with my girlfriends. Such is the demand for single Jewish ladies. Going the bar route, on the other hand, you might get one or two dates a week, and that’s plenty of time to recuperate.
Whatever can be said about it, J-Date remains one of the most popular ways to date Jewish. True, the rapid turn around of J-Date can be exhausting, and while the cyber barrier tends to give some people a sense comfort and control, to others it’s cold and sterile. Perhaps I’m not the best saleswoman, because I have yet to find real success with it. But I keep plugging away, and I’d even go so far as to recommend J-Date to those like me. There’s certainly no reason to be afraid or ashamed of it. At the very least, your mother will be happy.
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